repeating to the sound of the beat
by thatiranianphantom
Summary: Queequeg417 - thatiranianphantom two freakin' rules for himself and he broke both.


**A/N: Yello! This one has been in the works for awhile, and while I usually like my stories to be longer, I guess this one just wasn't fated to be. For my first foray back into Grey's fic though, not too unimpressed with it. Hopefully it's not too confusing. **

7:22 am.

Alright, sit down, kids, because Alex Karev is gonna tell you something, and it's not the kinda thing you wanna miss.

7:23 am.

There are two things Alex avoids like the plague. Actually, more than the plague. He's a doctor. The plague he can deal with.

7:26 am.

It's not like he _asked _for this or anything. This kinda thing he never wanted.

_he always wanted_

7:28 am.

Two rules. Two freakin' rules for himself and he broke both at once.

_he screws himself out of everything good. don't even act like you're surprised. _

7:42 am.

Still here?

Fine.

7:45am.

She never thrived on the job. She worked hard for it, she was proud of it, she was damn good. But she was never Yang. It was never the end all, be all for her. He guesses he kind of likes that about her. Makes it hard for this place to suck her soul.

7:52 am.

Sats were still good. He still holds her hand in his.

_he couldn't let go if he tried_

8:00 am.

Mer checks on him.

He tells her he's fine, go back to her perfect family.

_(he says this to the woman with spit-up all over her shirt and a toddler banging a toy car against her leg)_

8:32 am.

They're both there now.

Neither of them know what to do.

They don't touch.

He can't tell if this ruined them or fixed them.

He should have warned you that this would be full of feelings crap.

9:14 am.

Her sats drop.

They ask them, _again_, if they want heroic measures taken.

Alex thinks they are idiots and if they think they are giving up on her, he'd show them exactly how wrong they were.

9:17am.

Her hand twitches in his.

He smiles.

She's a fighter.

That's his girl.

10am.

One of them sits in his lap. The other one lies still, in the bed.

He clutches both tightly.

Alex was never dependent on anyone. Anything.

He isn't even sure who he is anymore.

11am.

Lunchtime.

Come on, this is all feelings and crap but what can Alex really tell you about lunchtime?

11:47am.

He did this.

He did this to her and he did this to them.

He wants to walk away; he wants so badly to walk away. They'd both be the better, and that is what Old Alex would have done, no question.

New Alex, though. New Alex can't even bring himself to let go of her hand.

New Alex can't imagine a world without her smiles, her laughs, her socks strewn on the bathroom floor.

He doesn't truly grasp how much he's changed until that moment.

12:23am.

Yang pats him on the shoulder as she checks her heart.

In the history of not good signs, that's a pretty big one.

1pm.

He was gonna ask his girl to marry him.

Maybe he still will.

1:17 pm.

Aaron had hugged Alex, once.

This wouldn't be a big deal, Alex knows. But Aaron was fifteen, hardened and whatever affection and innocence he knew was long beaten out of him.

Alex had gotten up early, found a note in his brother's backpack from his teacher. Some signature for some kind of trip.

Needed a parent's signature.

He hadn't thought anything of it, just faked the signature he'd been faking for years and as an afterthought, slapped a sandwich together and stuck it in his brother's backpack.

He still wasn't quite sure why the teen's eyes had welled when he gave the bag to him, but Aaron had tossed his arms around his brother's neck and held on, and Alex was too stunned to react.

It ended as suddenly as it began, with the boy running out without letting Alex see his face, but he had never forgotten it.

He's not sure what makes him think of this now, but maybe it was the surge of protectiveness that rose. Both then, and now.

He'd be damned if a kid had nobody to take care of them.

2:22 pm.

This room is all he knows now. He's been here more times than he can count, works here more often than not.

But it looks completely different to him now.

He wonders if, when this is all over, it will ever look the same.

3:03 pm.

Hunt tries to convince him to at least get up and shower.

He refuses.

What's the point?

There is nothing else for him.

Where they are, he is.

So even when he's not here, he's here.

3:56pm.

Funny how he screwed her up before she even started.

4:34 pm.

She fights the tubes.

For the first time, she fights the tubes.

Her eyes spring open and there is fire in them.

The crushing weight that has bound Alex's chest lifts more than a bit.

4:58 pm.

Her favorite song was Another One Bites the Dust by Queen.

Alex almost laughs thinking about it.

5:06 pm.

Her sats rise and he can feel the shift.

This time she means it, he knows.

This time they'll all find a way to make it.

6:16 pm.

They say he can touch her.

Old Alex would have run as far away as possible, knowing he was gonna screw it up.

New Alex gloves his hands and takes a long breath.

7:02 pm.

She is tiny and light in his arms.

She sighs gently and leans back against his shoulder, falls asleep.

8:12 pm.

You think that true love is the only thing that can crush your heart; that will take your life and light it up or destroy it.

8:22 pm.

He runs a finger over the nameplate on the bed.

_Peyton Josephine Wilson-Karev. _

8:36 pm.

It was love and children, by the way.

Those two things Alex hated but couldn't live without.

9pm.

And then you become a parent.


End file.
